Wonderful Weather

So this will be the hardest part of recovery. Now that I am feeling better, having to rest-sit around-not do anything.....that sucks!!

It has been 2 days since I took medicine-which has been great. I did take advantage of this wonderful weather by walking 3 miles on the Monon yesterday and today both. I took my dog Amber with me both days, so she of course is sleeping after a huge workout. She has loved this time that I have been spending at home. She sleeps on the end of the couch all day long and even when I sleep at night. So both of us are spending over 20+ hours each day laying on the couch. She probably is wondering when I will leave and go back to work. She might even be looking forward to it!!

I hope that you all will get a chance to enjoy the weather this weekend

Turning the corner

I wake up today to a few visitors. It did make the morning go by fast, but it was a pleasant change to my normal mornings. I do feel like I am starting to win the battle with my throat and the surgery. I am still in pain, but it is because I am trying to get off of the pain medicine. Each day is getting better, I am hoping to be off some of the hard medicine on Wed-we will see.

Sunday

So my roommate came down at 10:22 am and I woke up. I went to bed around midnight or 1 am, so 9+ hours of sleep all at once-Amazing. Until now only twice have I slept more than 3 hours at a time. So this was great sleep finally. But it did come at a price. I was suppose to have a dose of Vicodine at 4 am and 8 am, so it is completely out of my body for a long time. Also the other pain medicine I was suppose to take a dose at 8 am and I am late on that as well. So getting off of the couch was very painful. I took my medicine and just laid back down working on my breathing and counting the minutes down. I figured it would take 20-30 min to work, about 12 go by and I really notice a difference.

So today has been a good day. Still dealing with the sore throat-but gargling with warm salt water and the throat spray I have has helped with the pain.

I am one day away from going an entire week on a water and Gatorade minus a few sips of a shake and yogurt. So I thought I would try some applesauce. 1 cup down and no hiccups. So that tells me that there is improvement. I am not jumping to a full meal anytime soon, but I am excited to have some more applesauce for dinner tonight!!

I have watched so much TV it has been crazy. Tate, Trey and Caden Medcalfe purchase Lego's Star Wars-which has been SO great to take a break from TV and play the game. It has also helped with the boredom of just sitting here. So thanks again!

Also thanks for all the cards, balloons, flowers, videos (huge thanks Sandy!!)-that have just shown up here at the house.

Until the next update....

Thurs-Sat with ups and downs

Thursday was a great day so that evening I tried something other than water and Gatorade, about 1/2 cup of yogurt.

Then the hiccups came. Let me tell you that I never thought they would hurt as bad as they did. Every 6-8 seconds it was like a knife was being jabbed in my gut. After 6 sets of the hiccups, I finally figured out that it was the yogurt that was getting caught in my throat. So back to Water and Gatorade for now.

Friday was a good day

Saturday, not so good. I woke up at 4 am with a very sore throat. After talking with the Doctor, he finally sent me to St V's Immergent Care (thanks Mrs. Whener for your help!!). I found out that I got a virus (probably from someone at the hospital) which has caused the sore throat. Not only that but I have 3 ulcers in my throat. The good news is no strep, bad news is I have to just deal with the ulcers. So we are praying for the virus to stay where it is and not move to my chest which would cause me to cough.

So enough up and down for now.

It has been a while!!!

I didn't want to hit the one year mark since I wrote anything on the blog! Also I am getting a lot of people asking how I am doing, which I do appreciate-but I thought this would be a little more productive.

I found pictures for those of you who learn more visually.

So on Tues morning at 6:00 am I arrived at the hospital to prepare for the surgery. I have a bad case of GERD (Gastro- Esophageal Reflux Disease) which has been damaging my esophagus. I also have a hiatal hernia which is where your stomach pushes through your diaphragm.








The LES valve is where your esophagus and stomach meet and this value keeps everything in your stomach. Well mine wasn't able to close anymore.




So the surgery was to fix all these things. They cut me in 6 spots in my abdominal area to get this done.






















OK enough of the pictures.

Coming out of surgery wasn't fun. I was holding my breath because of the pain, which caused me to take a deep breath (much worse pain), so one of the nurses was showing me how to breath to help the pain. Finally I go to my room and people start visiting. It was really nice to see friends, even though I was out of it and didn't talk to you too much. Even with my eyes closed I was still listening, so thanks!!

The morphine that they were giving to me wasn't really taking care of the pain. It was amazing when 7:30 came and a new nurse took over. Dayna was VERY nice, her first goal was to get the pain under control, and by 8:00 I finally felt better. I was wondering why this couldn't have been done earlier, but if you met the afternoon nurse you would totally understand why. Not a nice person!!

So Wed was a great day, with my pain managed now I was able to get out of bed and even walk around in the hallways. When the afternoon came by I started to ask what I needed to do to leave that day. I really didn't want to stay. The main reason is my bed filled with air every 5 min to try to avoid bed sores, great invention-but bad if you are trying to sleep.

My mom arrived around 1 today and will be with me the next couple of days to help take care of me. The good news came around 4:30 that I could go home. Wed night was good, what I remember of it. More water and Gatorade, which is all I have had since Monday dinner! But I don't have any appetite what so ever.

Who are we to decide?

More thoughts about the book...

The conversation came up about what is good and what is evil?
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Mack was asked "how do you determine whether it is good or evil?" His answer was, "I guess I would say that something is good when I like it-when it makes me feel good or gives me a sense of security. Conversely, I'd call something evil that causes me pain or costs me something I want." I tend to sound justifiably angry when somebody is threatening my 'good' or what I think I deserve. But I'm not really sure I have any logical ground for deciding what is actually good or evil, except how something or someone affects me."
The Holy Spirit responded, "Then it is you who determines good and evil. You become the judge. And to make things more confusing, that which you determine to be good will change over time and circumstance. And then beyond that and even worse, there are billions of you {all of us} each determining what is good and what is evil. So when your good and evil clashes with your neighbor's, fights and arguments ensue and even wars break out." "If there is no reality of good that is absolute, then you have lost any basis for judging. It becomes just a language, and one might as well exchange the word 'good' for the word 'evil'.
Mack said. "I spend most of my time and energy trying to acquire what I have determined to be good, whether it's financial security or health or retirement or whatever. And I spend a huge amount of energy and worry fearing what I've determined to be evil."
The Holy Spirit responded, "This allows you to play God in your independence. That's why a part of you prefers not to see me. And you don't need me at all to create your list of good and evil. But you do need me if you have any desire to stop such an insane lust for independence."
"To fix this, you must give up your right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms, choosing to only live in me. To do that you must know me enough to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness."
"Declaring independence will result in evil because apart from me, you can only draw upon yourself. That is death because you have separated yourself from me: Life."
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So you and I both determine what it means to be good in our life and what it means to be evil. We play God every time we do this, and become more independent (away from God) when we judge things this way. How can we look at stuff of this world, including how people treat us and others, without creating a conclusion of Good/Evil?
The more you are independent the further you are from God and his love.
We live in a world that tells you to take charge of your life, take control of your future, set goals and gather as much "good" as you can.

Here is a question I leave you with.....
How can we live in this world and not become of this world?
If you have a quick answer to this, then you haven't really thought about it!

Conversation with God

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a conversation with God? I mean a real sit down moment-what would he look like? Would he be a she? What would you do-fall to your knees or give a huge hug? The more I processed this book I realized what the possibility of my conversation would be like. It was also neat that Mack (the main character in the book) met not only God, but also Jesus and Sarayu (the Holy Spirit).


For me this was a wonderful book, not about theology but about a new way to look at how God wants to be in relationship with us. It has revealed to me areas of my own life that I need to take a deeper look at. It's also hitting home because of issues (that plague us all) about wanting to have control of our lives, worrying about tomorrow, wanting it all figured out NOW, thinking that WE know exactly how our lives should be lived out.
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Here is something that Jesus said to Mack after he asked who was in charge out of the three of them.....
"We are in a circle of relationship, not a chain of command or 'great chain of being' like your ancestors termed it. What you are seeing here is relationship without any overlay of power. We don't need power over the other because we are always looking out for the best. Hierarchy would make no sense among us. Actually, this is your problem, not ours."
"Humans are so lost and damaged that to you it is almost incomprehensible that people could work or live together without someone being in charge."
"It's one reason why experiencing true relationship is so difficult for you {or for us humans}. Once you have a hierarchy you need rules to protect and administer it, and then you need law and the enforcement of the rules, and you end up with some kind of chain of command or system of order that destroys relationship rather than promotes it. You rarely see or experience relationship apart from power. Hierarchy imposes laws and rules and you end up missing the wonder of relationship that we intended for you."
"When you choose independence over relationship, you become a danger to each other. Others become objects to be manipulated or managed for your own happiness. Authority, as you usually think of it, is merely the excuse the strong use to make others conform to what they want."
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So we have it all upside down? I mean if you think about your day and how often "relationships" are apart of everything we do-if we have that part all wrong-what does that look like to get that back on track?
Being a strong "D type" leader/person, this really has me looking at what I do with my relationships.
I always try to help people in any way I can, doing things for them-and I do so not wanting any credit for it. But is there a part of what I do a controlling aspect of the relationship that I have with that person? Am I trying to stay in "good standing" with that person? I mean I do help strangers on the side of the road (literally and sometimes that isn't a good thing), but most of helping others are those I know.
I also fill my schedule with spending time doing or being with this person or that person-I want to think my intentions are good-but is this a control thing also?
I would say that I am not a scheming person who is trying to be the leader or controller in a relationship-but I do find myself in the driver seat when it comes to my friends-makes me wonder?
So have I experienced true relationship yet? How about when it comes to God? Am I always trying to be in control of that relationship also? Even when it comes to good things...like... Lord I did my part I prayed today and read my Bible....How come things like this happen to me? I go to church and try to be a good christian, why all this pain? Sounds like control to me!